and we don't have to leave in the morning, the whole day just you and I,
and it don't have to get any better, it's perfect you in my life.
If you're cool, then I'm cool, then we're cool ~Anthony Hamilton
In watching "Making the Band 4" last night I was reminded how pride can ruin relationships. Long story short, Day 26 is broke and Que didn't handle the news very well. Being only 20 years old he has a lot of pressure on him since he has established himself as the sole financial provider for his family and that's not an easy spot to be in when you have to carry everybody on a paycheck that you aren't getting. It's the way he handled the situation that made me really think.
In relationships of any kind, whether you're a friend, family member, or companion, I've always had the attitude that if I have it, you have it. It's that simple, no questions asked. If you are worthy enough to be in my circle of trust then I'll be there to help whenever, wherever. With Que, his band members and girlfriend decided that a vacation would do him some good so they were going to take him on a trip to ease his mind. When they told him that he didn't have to worry about money, he acted out saying that he didn't want anything from anybody, basically that he isn't a charity case. In this type of situation, understanding that dudes have insurmountable amounts of pride, I can justify him not wanting his band members (other men) to get involved. The red flags go off when he won't let his girl hold him down.
In relationships, women tend to have this snobby attitude that they are suppose to be on the receiving end of everything that goes down. For example, most women think dudes should buy them expensive gifts, pay their bills, and cater to them. It's when the script is flipped that women usually have a problem, but in a real relationship I think when needed (or just because) chicks should have no problem holding their man down...it should be second nature. In this particular case, Dawn (Que's girlfriend) was willing to hold him down and he had a problem with that. Instead of accepting her acts of kindness he threw this temper tantrum and initiated a pity party for himself.
As a man, temper tantrums and pity parties are really off limits. I personally don't want to be with a guy who resorts to childish tendencies when faced with crisis such as financial problems. If anything, the man should start thinking of other ways to stabilize the situation. Everyone has had money issues before, but pouting about it gets you no where. That's the time when you grind harder! I know us women talk about wanting a man who understands us, but there's a fine line between being understanding and being a sucker. I believe it's the man's role to "man up" at a time like that. Instead of pouting and crying, he should've been signing all his personal belongings and putting them up on eBay....in other words, hustling.
The whole point is that in relationships being the provider shouldn't fall on one person's shoulders. What's yours is mine and what's mine is mine ours! If I was in a relationship and my significant other needed something that I had then he wouldn't have to wonder whether or not he had access to it. Holding each other down is key, and if both of you are broke then you still hold each other down. If you are only with someone for their money or what they can do for you, then you need to check yourself, but that's another post for another day.
Fellas, would you let your chick hold you down or would your pride get in the way? Ladies, would you hold your man down or do you think a woman shouldn't have to step up to the plate financially in a relationship?
5 comments:
In my eyes relationship is a synonym for teammates... If you and I were together in a relationship, I would let you hold me down if I needed it - simply on the strength that if you needed it I would be there for you... Relationships truly need to be a 2-way street & a lot of doods & chic's don't feel that way...
I have to agree w/ DJ Ed. A relationship is a team effort. Ain't no 'I' in team(so cliche but true). If you need it and I got it,it's yours. I'll do anything to help my man out when it's needed. Now if that starts to be abused, that's when the problem starts.
I have had to hold my husband down at times, and I have done it without any issue, because he has done the same for me when I have been unemployed or underemployed.
Maybe it's different because we have been married for 8 years -- I feel that's what marriage is for and about -- sticking together through the good and the bad no matter what.
Now, unless my husband were to suffer a terrible physical accident or develop a chrnic condition that affected his ability to work, I would not hold him down forever. Everybody has to make their own way in this world, even if you are married. All adults should work, even it's it's being a stay-at-home parent (because that is serious work as well).
Great post! I have held my man down in the past and it was taken for granted. That is abuse but, I think as long as we know our roles in the relationship this will never come into question. It should not be a matter of me/you asking. Through communication we would know and move forward. He would also know enough to be hustling to put us back in balance. This means to make it so if something happens to stash money that we won't be stuck. That is never good.
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